They say they've hacked my webcam and have video. Is it real?

Usually not. The mass-email version of this threat is a bluff built on a leaked password from an old data breach, quoted to scare you. If the message shows no actual material and arrived out of nowhere, treat it as spam: change the quoted password anywhere you still use it, and do not reply.

Should I warn my family and employer before the scammer does?

You do not have to, and in most cases nothing is ever sent. Some people find that quietly telling one trusted person collapses the blackmail's power entirely, because the threat only works while exposure is unthinkable. That is your call, on your timing.

Will the police judge me?

The officers who work these cases see them every week and are clear in their own public guidance: report it, without shame, whether or not you paid. You are the victim of an organised crime, and your report is a weapon against it.

Can they really see my contact list?

Sometimes they have scraped public followers; usually they are bluffing. Locking your accounts down (step 3) answers the question either way.

Sextortion: what to do when someone threatens you with your own photos

Three facts before anything else

You are probably reading this in a state of panic, so here are the three facts that matter most, up front.

Paying does not make this stop. Lawyers and police who handle these cases all report the same pattern: payment marks you as someone who pays, and the demands continue or grow. In one study of nearly a thousand cases, 40% of victims who paid were then threatened daily.

A large share of these threats are never carried out. Extortion lawyers who handle hundreds of cases report that most blackmailers never publish anything, and some are bluffing about having material at all. The threat is the product. Carrying it out earns them nothing.

There is a takedown route. Free services exist that block your images from being posted on major platforms, and they work without you ever sending anyone the image. More on how below.

None of this is your fault. Sharing something private with someone you trusted is not a crime. Threatening you with it is.

How it happens

The version we see on dating platforms follows a tight script. A new match escalates to flirtation fast, moves you to a private app, and steers the conversation intimate, often sending images first to make reciprocating feel safe. Sometimes it is a live video call that is being recorded. Within hours, sometimes minutes, the tone flips: pay, or this goes to your family, your employer, your contact list, which they claim to have scraped.

Two things about who this happens to. First, it is not a young person's problem. The FBI's cybercrime unit logged more than 75,000 sextortion reports in a single year, and over 19,000 of the victims were aged 40 or over. Second, speed is the weapon. This crime is engineered to make you pay before you think. The countermove is simply to slow down, which is what the steps below are for.

A newer variant does not need a real image at all. AI-generated fakes built from your ordinary profile photos are now used the same way. The playbook against them is identical, and the takedown services accept them.

The five steps, in order

Stop replying.

Do not negotiate, do not plead, do not pay a "smaller amount". Every reply teaches them the pressure is working. Silence is not risky. Continued contact is.

Do not delete anything.

Screenshot the profile, the threats, usernames, phone numbers, and any payment details they sent. Then block them. Block, but never delete: the evidence identifies them, and police can act on it.

Lock your accounts.

Set your social profiles to private, change your passwords, and turn on two-factor authentication. Their leverage depends on reaching your contacts. Take the contacts out of reach.

Use the takedown services.

StopNCII.org works for adults in every one of our territories. It creates a digital fingerprint (a hash) of the image on your own device, and participating platforms block anything matching it. The image itself never leaves your phone. If anyone in the images is under 18, use the dedicated under-18 service for your country instead; they are faster, free, and built exactly for this. All listed here: Get help in your country

Report it.

To the dating platform, so the account dies before it reaches the next person. On any community our team moderates, these reports go to priority review. Then to your national reporting service, listed by country on the same page. Extortion is a crime everywhere, whether or not they follow through.

Watch for round two

Paying victims and reported victims sometimes get a second approach: someone claiming to be police, a lawyer, or a "content removal" company, either demanding a fine or offering to make it all disappear for a fee. This is the same crew, or people they sold your details to. Real police do not demand payment, and legitimate takedown routes are free. Anyone asking for money to fix a sextortion is running one.

If the images go out

It rarely comes to this, but you deserve the honest version rather than a blank space. If material is posted, it is removable. Platforms treat non-consensual intimate images as a priority violation, the hash services block reposts, and in some territories a regulator can force takedowns by law. It will feel like the end of the world for a day. It is not. People survive this, keep their jobs, keep their families, and the person who suffers legal consequences is the one who posted it.

And if the pressure of this is putting thoughts of harming yourself in your head, stop and tell someone tonight. This crime is engineered to make you feel trapped, and the feeling is a lie the same way the threat is. The crisis lines for your country are on our help page, free and anonymous: Get help in your country

If it's your child

Under-18 sextortion is its own crisis, moving faster and hitting harder, and boys in their mid-teens are now the most targeted group. If your child tells you, they have done the hardest part. The predator is to blame, not your child, and not you. Do not punish, do not confiscate the phone as a first move, and do not delete anything. Use your country's under-18 takedown and reporting service the same day, listed here: Get help in your country Our full guide for parents is coming as part of this series.